The truth is you never really move past

The desire to die

The constant suicide

And holocaust of every 

Single one of your brain cells

And my blood all fleeing from my heart

Never coming back to that hell,

So I thought

The scars inside of me

Never healling

Only being sheltered from tears by things that can tear them 

I open myself up thinking I’m closed

But I’m not, I’m not even clothed 

A bare naked half wasted shit-faced pasty pile of fuck

Feeling broken down to the point of physical sickness

Throwing up

And I can’t explain it, for once there’s no reason why

The desire to cry but the refusal to let them tears out

It’s hard living in consant fear that it will come back

That the reason your alive will in fact

Be the reason you’ll die

Sheltering your eyes only to walk away at the exact moment you need that shelter most

And you toast and burn and singe your eyes

And you lie a rotted pile of denial this vile vial i inject the poison seeping through my neck

Into my lung I breath out sparks of toxic flames 

Feeling deranged and at the end of my rope

Feeling like the only thing left to do with that rope

Is a find a rafter faster than you can tell your self to stop

And tie a knot 

Then tie your fate

And leave the world a better place

Without you 

So you tell your self its better to face away 

That joy today is only a mask the pain uses to trick you

To prove to you there is something better, something that you’ll never achieve

But you miss out on all that joy in the illusion that you hate your life

And strife is merely a half dulled knife that you have to saw really hard with 

To draw and any blood

And this mud you think you drink this muddied past in which you sink

Never really happened you merely were trapped in the never ending cycle of depression

Fixating on the succesion of regection and the complection ever present the present doesnt matter anymore

It never really could you never would have done the shit you lied about and hell you never should

But the stars all seem heaven sent and thats why their out of reach

Because heavens a present in the present that you’ll never get to see

So you flee to the dark damning corners where you live

Like the fucked up kid 

You know you still are

A child at heart

But grown in words and thoughts and birds are the only thing you see in the sky

Besides the hell from which you hide and love inside 

Its hard to find a reason to live when you forgive all your happiness

But blame all your faults and you live to die tomorrow though you know you never will

So you wallow in your sorrow as you swallow another pill 

The running rag of blood you cut your wrist and slit your throat 

You hang your self and sink your boat 

And cloak your face in darkest black

And cover up the little fact

That when you die they all will care

But you wont be there 

To watch all their suffering

So you take a stand upon a chair

And live to die another day

Until they all just walk away